Not waiting, just ready

Dear Babyji -

You are still here all nestled up in my womb. I hope your placenta is still feeding you well and you're all warm and happy in the great watery darkness. Your maternal grandparents are currently on their way to visit us and I think that perhaps you've been waiting for them to arrive to show your sweet face. How sweet of you!

We're not worried out here about when you'll arrive, we're just ready.

I have been feeling my body preparing for labor over the past couple of weeks and am happy to report this. I've felt my pelvis expanding, slightly stronger contractions, and light pressure on my cervix. I am glad that my body is taking a few precautionary measures before plunging into the profundity of birthing a miracle as great as you.

I don't have much else to tell you, just that I've now stopped riding my bike because it was hurting my back and that we're all still very excited to meet your cute little hands, cute little feet, and your cute little face. I think you are preparing for this journey too, although your consciousness will probably soon forget it. I'm writing this so that we can remember a bit about this journey even after you've forgotten. Maybe you'll remember how you keep pushing your footsie into my side and how I softly put my hand where your foot is and say, "cute little foot. . ."

Let us both get ready for this great occasion, peacefully and lovingly.

Loving you,

-Mommyji

Nesting and waiting for you

Dear Babyji -

Daddyji is painting our room beautiful earthy colors so that by the time you arrive we will have a colorful and welcoming space. You are welcome to arrive, by the way, at any time now. Your 'due date' is June 25th. Tonight at dinner we all made guesses to estimate when you and when Rose and Casey's baby will arrive. One guess for you is as early as the day after tomorrow and one is as late as the 1st of July.

I had a contraction yesterday while Marcelo and I were in the hardware store getting some paint. This got me very excited and smiling so very wide. I kept hoping that another one would come on. . .but I guess its not our time yet. I will just patiently wait and prepare for your birth in the meantime.

Our midwife, Kathy, is pleased with my health and your heartbeat. I am confident that we are all going to work well together to transition you from the womb to the world. She even made a little hat for you to wear when you arrive.

A couple of weeks ago, the womenfolk at the ecovillage and some of Rose's friends from out of town got together to have a blessingway for Rose and me (and you, of course). About a dozen of us sat together in a field at the northwest corner of the property to honor the miracle of birth and to empower us in this most transformational of moments in life. Women shared their stories, some shared advice, and some blessed the divinity of motherhood. It was a beautiful sunny day and we rejoined the menfolk at dusk to share a potluck meal - but not before Rose and I received foot baths and massages! Later, we both had henna drawn on our rotund bellies.

The ecovillage seems to be almost as excited as we are to welcome you here. They have offered their gifts and their support. Many people have already given you gifts and they haven't even met you! We had a shower for you on the east coast and many of your blood relatives came to offer gifts, both material and immaterial - books and clothes, support and love.

Well, Babyji, we are all just very excited to meet you. Your grandparents are coming here on the 30th and I hope you are born right before then or soon after they arrive. Its a long way for them to come out here to meet you and I think it would be in your best interest to take advantage of their presence and get out here just as soon as you are able!

We are loving you and all of your kicks out the side of my torso. Can't wait to see you do all your tricks here on the outside.

Love,

Mommyji

Dear Babyji

Dear Babyji -

We made it to Port Townsend, WA and are creating a little nest for us. Our room has a bouncey/rocking chair for you that you might like being nursed in. We have three little plants growing in their little pots. And all of your little baby books are on a shelf that one day you'll be able to reach.
You haven't been kicking me as much in the past couple of days. Actually, you've been pretty quiet with only a few pokes here and there. Daddyji said that last night as we were going to sleep he felt you pushing strongly on my belly. I must have already fallen asleep because I remember no such thing!
I'm so happy that we are living here. I think its really a wonderful place for you to be born. We are housemates with another family that already has a son who will be almost two by the time you arrive, and they are having a baby girl just a couple of weeks after you come! Of course, the timing may change as we can't be sure when you and this beautiful girl are going to arrive, but I think you'll be just a little bit older than her.
Its been really special to share so much time with another young, pregnant family and especially with the mama! We talk about all things baby and body. She has a lot of books about birthing, prenatal health, and health in general. We help each other and support each other in this most beautiful time of carrying child. Her name is Rose, you'll meet her soon. Her partner's name is Casey and their son's name is Lamai. They are such a beautiful family and I bet you'll make fast friends with the kids just as I have with the adults!
We've only been here just over a week and a half, but the ecovillage has made us feel like old friends with their welcoming attitudes. Marcelo and I are part of the cooperative gardening here at the village and have been making a fence, making plant beds, and he's out there now transplanting some starts from the greenhouse into the ground. Marcelo has found work here already as a gardener for a nearby couple and helping with construction on some of the houses in the village, so he was away working a lot of last week. This was strange to us because we have been spending so much time together over the past year - almost glued to each others' sides! I'm hoping we'll continue working on our childrens' book project so we can work together.
Anyway, our little nest is getting ready for you and we are so happy that we get to meet you in a few short weeks! I hope you are still enjoying the watery darkness and are getting ready to take your first breath! You still have time, but the moment is approaching quickly when I will hold you in my arms.
I love you babyji!
-Mommyji

Homeward Bound

Its been spring already. And winter again. Now we may find spring once more. One walk last week led my feet through untouched snow and it kept falling from the sky. The wind gathered strength and bit our faces. Marcelo and I had worn our best winter clothes, but our faces became still, crinkled and frozen on the walk back home.

The grass has replaced the snow. Only a few piles are left. Dad's even saying, "Yeah its nice weather today...for around here..."

But enough about the weather.

In two weeks Marcelo and I will already be nearing Southbend, IL. The car will be packed and we'll be moving West. We will be Port Townsend - bound and looking forward to our new home. We're going to live in an ecovillage. If you're interested in finding out more about the ecovillage, check out the website: www.ptecovillage.org.

I've only driven to Port Townsend once before, but on that drive, as I was headed north on the Olympic Peninsula, I had this feeling that I was driving home. And now it will soon become our home, inshallah.

**************************************************

**************************************************

Been watching the news. Is revolution making its way to the United States? It seems to be about time. I just wonder what kind of revolution it will be. I'm hoping its peaceful and led by enlightened party people.

Did anyone else see the protests in LA? In England? Looks like the revolutionary buzz has moved westward.

Let's hope everyone gets what they need. And let's feed hungry people and get clean water to everyone. It can't be that hard. Let's just start there.

Peace, love, & revolution.

Back, back, back to the garden

I think its time to start writing again.

Its not that I ever stopped really, but I haven't posted anything here in over two years. I've been writing - songs, journal entries, day plans - but it seems that not enough has been done to keep track of this journey.

Six months pregnant already. My belly is growing naturally, healthily, happily, steadily. Marcelo and I are braving the NY cold together here in Rochester and enjoying the onset of spring.

I've been wanting to write to the baby that is growing inside of me. I want to tell him about what's been happening outside and around my body since he's started developing there.

Dear Baby,

I love you so much already. Your dad does too. We are so looking forward to your arrival. We call you babyji for now (and I am mommyji and daddy is daddyji). Its difficult for us to think of a proper name for you now because we haven't even met you yet. I have a feeling that you will help us decide on your name, either while you're still in the womb or when you finally wriggle up into our arms.
It seems like a long time ago that we knew you were coming. Nine months is a long time for you to be in my body. I truly hope that I am feeding us the right things and moving in the right ways so that you aren't disturbed and can grow healthily.
I started going to the gym last week (I was walking regularly before then) and am feeling great. It seems that when I do things you are somehow doing them too. Before even leaving the warm darkness of my womb, you will have traveled across the US twice, been to Brazil, Canada and back to New York. I know you are strong because the first nights, when you weren't much more than a cell, your father and I were traveling in a car on the west coast and some nights were very cold. We weren't pampering ourselves in that time when you were most vulnerable, and yet here you are, growing, kicking, dancing in my womb.
I love it when you let me know that you are there. At first it was surprising to feel you. Its still hard to understand how a life as complex and beautiful as this can be forming within my own body. Indeed it remains a mystery of our human existence, this creation of life. Biologically, I can begin to understand what is happening to our bodies as we change and grow. But even that particular scientific lens is too complex for me to fully understand how this miracle is happening.
And you are a miracle. Your father and I asked for you, and you arrived just at that instant. We called to you as you had been calling to us and now you are safe in your sixth month of life in my body. You have fingers and toes, some hair, and I'm sure you're developing some personality in there. We play music for you regularly. I hope you are liking it when the guitar is up against my belly and resounding throughout my womb. Your father sometimes puts his mouth right up to my belly button and hums, sings, or practices his throat singing.
I think you'll like to sing with us when you can. For now, you can just listen. And I promise we'll listen to you too when you have something to share. Your cries, laughs, and coos are sure to be the most beautiful sounds. Your father and I already feel so blessed that you are coming to us.
May the rest of your time in my womb be warm and welcoming. I hope you enjoy the quiet, watery darkness of these months because when you arrive here you must get used to the air, the light, and the cold. Don't worry, once you are used to it, I think you will come to enjoy it. And there is warm water here too - you can submerge yourself again into a watery haven sometimes and it feels safe and comforting. We will teach you how to swim so you can enjoy this sensation whenever you like. There is so much you will joyfully learn. What a journey to begin. . .
I love you & dad loves you too. Arrive safely, grow healthily, and let me know if I'm squishing you when I bend over!
Love (forever),
-Mommyji

Still Rockin'

Beauty and magic continue to unfold and blossom all around me. Never has a day gone by without intense and sincere gratitude pouring out from my being. The smiles of the neighborhood children are becoming familiar, bright as the sun, reminders of the essential purity of life on this earth. It took an extra hour to walk home yesterday evening as I kept pausing to marvel at the purple/pink, perfectly round flaming ball of light as it dipped below the distant hills. Its light reflected softly on the flourescent colors of the simple stone houses as well as their tanned and quiet tenants.
***********************************************************************
Although I have been here for one month, today was the first time I entered the main temple in the center of the city. Nataraj and I slowly and quietly marveled at the intricate stone carvings on the temple walls and mentioned the names and stories associated with the forms. We sat with the resident elephant and I felt a bit of sadness as I watched the magnificent creature perform its menial task of collecting a few rupees from those wishing to be blessed by the touch of his trunk on the tip of their head. Some children screamed in delight and fear, some babies cried, and some giggled with adrenaline. There were tears coming out of the elephant's eyes, but I will not anthropomorphize that into sadness. His eyes were probably just dry and I was looking for a connection with this majestic being.
***************************************************************************
I am almost done mastering a cd and hope to have it done by Saturday because I have scheduled a show at a cafe. Songs are coming easily to me here and there is a marked change in the subject matter of the compositions. Before, many of my songs were personal stories that may have helped me to detach from their significance in my life. Although there was a universality within the personal story telling of this style, the songs are now more intentionally universal. It is a joy to feel the inspiration to write songs that are not about 'me' or the me I have envisioned myself to be. This change in the expression of songwriting is quite liberating and I feel that the music will benefit with this change. Surely there are still a few personal love stories to come, but I feel there is significant evolution in the expression still.
************************************************************************
There is endless and infinite beauty to speak of - every moment is a passing spot of grace. It is becoming more persistantly clear to me exactly how blessed existence on this earth is. The true nature of all beings is what makes this blossoming awareness consistent. Our nature is joy and bliss. This is where we are from and this is where we go - if we do, in fact, go anywhere at all! It is a wonder that our minds can take us so far from this truth.
*************************************************************************
May all the beings live in peace! Om shanti, shanti, shanti

~Maggie

Send Money.

Well, well, well. Here I am in Tiruvannamalai, Tamil Nadu, India. Here I am listening to Joni Mitchell on youtube. Here I am deciding where to get my next chai. My how plans change.

It was on the bus from London to Paris that I met Nataraj, a french man who was on his way back to India. Within twelve hours of knowing each other, we had made plans to go to India together and we have a return ticket (to Paris) for April 13th from Delhi. We'll be here for two months, in Tiru, and then take about two months to go up the east coast and land in Delhi for the flight. We are living together in a beautiful house with a rooftop terrace that provides a perfect view of the holy mountain, Arunachala. The space also accommodates the neighborhood children to play with the beach balls and legos that we bought at the market for them. The kids are beautiful. Its so nice to get to know them, their names and personalities; their parents and their homes. Their homes are welcome places to us too. Shanti, the mother of three girls who are frequently at our house, is always offering us chai, dinner, to clean the house. We give her money, but I get the feeling that its not about the money. We keep the inside of our house mostly off limits to the kids to maintain some semblance of a private life. Most of the time around the house is spent with the kids though - outside on the porch or on the roof. There is so much love to go around. It is a beautiful feeling.

Nataraj has been to this particular village every year for a couple of months for the past three years. He has helped to start a school nearby, encourages every child to bring him his schoolbook to study, and gives supplies as he can: like small chalkboards, books, pens... The school that he has had a part in creating is a few kilometers from here. They have no roof and few supplies. Girls cannot attend the school because they don't have enough money to supply uniforms for them. Nataraj went to the school two days ago and the children received him ecstatically. This is common among the children (and their parents) in this village. He, unlike many of the westerners who come here, is inspired to help the community while he is here. Yes, we have more than we need in the west, and, yes, we can give to the families here who are not unlike the families of north america. The differences we create and the suffering we try to ignore is all human-made. We have the power to end the suffering we have created.

From there, on the other side of the planet, the situations here can seem too big of a 'problem' to begin to 'solve.' But here, there is no problem - only lives of joy and sorrow, peace and unrest as in the rest of the world. The obvious difference lies in the availability of resources and access to education. I have asked my dad to look into ways of getting school supplies here. I assume that there are organizations in North America already established to bring goods from the wealthy west to the poor east. Getting educational supplies to the children here is really quite simple. If anyone is interested in helping to educate the beautiful children of this small village, contact me. It could be as simple as sending money to me here in Tiru, or to my parents in Rochester. If you are more interested, we could look into donation drives and what the best way to get materials here is. Several of you who read this are connected to schools with at least a few wealthy families. Doesn't everybody want to do things that feel good? Here is an easy way to feel good! No inhaling, ingesting, or injecting needed...

If any of you feel inspired to help and/or can find a few moments to consider the ways in which you might want to be a part of this, please contact me at maggie.clifford@gmail.com or via this blog. Even if you are unable to help monetarily or with collecting donations, any advice or support is welcome!

Life is beautiful. I will be here for at least two months and there is an extra room in the house (which is now the music room). Anyone considering a trip to India? You've got a place to stay here! I wish you joy, peace, clarity, and light! Be the change you wish to see in the world!

With Love,
~Maggie