I think its time to start writing again.
Its not that I ever stopped really, but I haven't posted anything here in over two years. I've been writing - songs, journal entries, day plans - but it seems that not enough has been done to keep track of this journey.
Six months pregnant already. My belly is growing naturally, healthily, happily, steadily. Marcelo and I are braving the NY cold together here in Rochester and enjoying the onset of spring.
I've been wanting to write to the baby that is growing inside of me. I want to tell him about what's been happening outside and around my body since he's started developing there.
Dear Baby,
I love you so much already. Your dad does too. We are so looking forward to your arrival. We call you babyji for now (and I am mommyji and daddy is daddyji). Its difficult for us to think of a proper name for you now because we haven't even met you yet. I have a feeling that you will help us decide on your name, either while you're still in the womb or when you finally wriggle up into our arms.
It seems like a long time ago that we knew you were coming. Nine months is a long time for you to be in my body. I truly hope that I am feeding us the right things and moving in the right ways so that you aren't disturbed and can grow healthily.
I started going to the gym last week (I was walking regularly before then) and am feeling great. It seems that when I do things you are somehow doing them too. Before even leaving the warm darkness of my womb, you will have traveled across the US twice, been to Brazil, Canada and back to New York. I know you are strong because the first nights, when you weren't much more than a cell, your father and I were traveling in a car on the west coast and some nights were very cold. We weren't pampering ourselves in that time when you were most vulnerable, and yet here you are, growing, kicking, dancing in my womb.
I love it when you let me know that you are there. At first it was surprising to feel you. Its still hard to understand how a life as complex and beautiful as this can be forming within my own body. Indeed it remains a mystery of our human existence, this creation of life. Biologically, I can begin to understand what is happening to our bodies as we change and grow. But even that particular scientific lens is too complex for me to fully understand how this miracle is happening.
And you are a miracle. Your father and I asked for you, and you arrived just at that instant. We called to you as you had been calling to us and now you are safe in your sixth month of life in my body. You have fingers and toes, some hair, and I'm sure you're developing some personality in there. We play music for you regularly. I hope you are liking it when the guitar is up against my belly and resounding throughout my womb. Your father sometimes puts his mouth right up to my belly button and hums, sings, or practices his throat singing.
I think you'll like to sing with us when you can. For now, you can just listen. And I promise we'll listen to you too when you have something to share. Your cries, laughs, and coos are sure to be the most beautiful sounds. Your father and I already feel so blessed that you are coming to us.
May the rest of your time in my womb be warm and welcoming. I hope you enjoy the quiet, watery darkness of these months because when you arrive here you must get used to the air, the light, and the cold. Don't worry, once you are used to it, I think you will come to enjoy it. And there is warm water here too - you can submerge yourself again into a watery haven sometimes and it feels safe and comforting. We will teach you how to swim so you can enjoy this sensation whenever you like. There is so much you will joyfully learn. What a journey to begin. . .
I love you & dad loves you too. Arrive safely, grow healthily, and let me know if I'm squishing you when I bend over!
Love (forever),
-Mommyji
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